Talli's blog

Why curiosity is good for your marriage

Submitted by Talli on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 20:41
In a therapy session, John, 40, says "Mary isn't interested in me. She doesn't ask me anything about my inner world." Mary responds with tears. "I don't know how to make John happy" The well known couples therapist, John Gottman talks about getting to know your partner’s love map! When we stay curious about our partners. we demonstrate that we are interested in knowing and understanding more about their feelings, thoughts, and experiences. However, if we are reactive to our partners, or feel responsible when they are sad, disconnected or mood, we become defensive, and this prevents the curious and caring response. For more on love maps, please read this article.    


Understanding Sexual Pain Disorders

Submitted by Talli on Wed, 10/07/2015 - 20:52

In this issue of Contemporary Sexuality, the newsletter of AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, I am inteviewed along with experts Professor Irv Binik, Dr. Deborah Coady, and Dr. Sharon Parish.


More ways to create intimacy

Submitted by Talli on Sun, 09/27/2015 - 15:32

Curiousity about our partner means wanting to know about their experiences, feelings, thoughts, what  people or events influenced and shaped their development and who they are.


Do feminists have better sex?

Submitted by Talli on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 21:27

While some studies indicate that egalitarian couples report less frequent sex than couples who carry on "traditional gender roles", this article explains why feminists have more fun. "Sex is an act between two equal, consenting partners"




What skills are needed for intimate relationships?

Submitted by Talli on Sun, 06/28/2015 - 10:52

This relationship self test, looks at how you rate yourself, as well as how your partner rates you, in some fundamental areas of relationships.


Ten tips for new brides

Submitted by Talli on Mon, 06/08/2015 - 19:48

For the original Times of Israel article click here


Don't be afraid to be vulnerable

Submitted by Talli on Tue, 05/26/2015 - 21:09

"Why do people often shut down in the face of intimacy? Because of an intense fear of vulnerability. Dr. Brene Brown, Professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, explains this phenomenon: “Vacillating between I am here and I love you…and I’m going to reveal my innermost to you…and I am scared to death that you’ll reject me.” Ironically, the vulnerability we try desperately to avoid may be the key to a successful relationship."

 "When you engage religious life with modernity, ultimately modernity wins." says NYTimes columnist Mark Oppenheimer. In talmudic times, people were encouraged to marry off their children at a very young age, such that they did not have to deal with the sexual urges that single people do. Today, people are marrying later. They are engaging in sexual relationships and it is time to have the converstion about it. So say Rabbi Dov Linzer and Batsheva Marcus, who are bravely tackling the reality of sex outside of marriage, in a recent podcast. Much of the discussion involves clarifying what, according to Jewish law, defines the act of sex, and the technicalities of Rabbinic vs Biblical law, such that when an unmarried couple do engage in sex, they can understand the legalities regarding specific sexual acts, use of the mikvah (ritual bath), what is prohibited by the written Torah, and what is prohibited by Rabbinic sources. If you are going to be sexually active, then according to Rabbi Linzer, it is better to transgress a Rabbinic prohibition than a Biblical one.   The best part of this podcast, in my humble opinion, is a fascinating presentation by NYTimes columnist Mark Oppenheimer about how different religions engage with modern sexual norms. Click here to listen to the podcast


When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men

Submitted by Talli on Mon, 05/18/2015 - 21:41